Hurting People Hurt People--But They Don't Have To

On an occasion, a man spoke with me and told me that, "Hurting people hurt people."

In his explanation of this statement, he spoke of the cycle that occurs when we allow ourselves to be hurt. And, according to him, when we hurt, we lash out and hurt others. Furthermore, according to him, the only true way to stop this cycle is for the hurt and pain in ourselves to be removed.

After hearing his arguments, I reasoned that this man had a glimpse of a greater a truth and without the whole truth, came frightfully close to utter foolishness.

Perhaps it is possible to remove pain, even if it is not wise. Does this mean that we are hopefully doomed to infinite retaliation between the time of being hurt and the time when that hurt is removed? The truth is that hurting and pain do not cause people to lash out and hurt others. If this were true, we would be hopelessly lost and without any peace--being so greatly exposed to hurt and pain everywhere. There are many people who hurt in their hearts and have considerable pain but who choose not to hurt others. And in this pain, they find they can find something truly great--meekness.

Hurting people may hurt people, but they don't have to. In fact, if they do, this is called bitterness. Bitterness is that spirit that settles within us like a small root at first. It swells until it alone is the justification to lash out in retaliation with the intent to cause further pain. "I hurt, so they must hurt!"

The brokenness caused through hurting pokes and prods at our intellect until we demand justice. "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth!" And so, we retaliate convinced that there was no justification in what was done to us. Therefore, our retaliation in and of itself is justified because the first action was unjustified. Or, being even more arrogant, we retaliate because we determine that no retaliation by anyone is ever justified. And in order to execute justice in this event, we retaliate still.

Reason tells us that if we do not retaliate for a wrong done to us, then the one who hurt us will not have a new reason to justify further retaliation against us. But, if they continue to lash out at us, then we can know that there is another cause and source for their hurtful actions. They continue in their actions because they do not feel that the cup of injustice that was given to them has been satisfied properly.

Wisdom tells us that that this seed of hurt needs no vindication. Wisdom calls to our hearts to help bring comfort and peace to those who cannot find justice--even if we are the source of that injustice.

Hurting people hurt people when they allow themselves the opportunity to retaliate. But retaliation is not true justice because it never satisfies the original loss. True justice is intended to satisfy, comfort and bring peace to the grievance without causing yet another grievance. True justice does not require further suffering but the restoration of what was lost. Any other form of justice is only intended to fulfill our need to retaliate.

People who truly hurt are well acquainted with their desire to find comfort. And because of this, people who truly hurt choose not to retaliate because they know they are just adding additional pain, ever increasing the hurt they already possess.

Hurting people can choose to hurt people, but they don't have to.